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About the letters

My son Lochlan is currently 9 years old. He is the joy of my life. I always knew I’d be a mom. Married? Maybe. Sure. But a mom, definitely. I never dressed up in a veil as a kid but I did carry around a pillow and pretend it was my child. Ironically, I didn’t like dolls… But I digress. The thing is, I’m sick. Very sick. I don’t look sick but the reality of the situation is not terrific. We don’t know how I got sick and we don’t know how to make me better. What I do know is that if something happens to me I’m leaving my baby without a mother. It will, in many ways, define him and I don’t want that. I don’t want him to have to navigate life without his number one fan and closest ally. I’m writing these letters as my way of  putting down all I can in case I’m not around to tell him later. It is my dearest hope that this whole process is unnecessary.

DSC_0238I’m sure it will be. I have to believe it will be.

In doing this, I know that I’m there for him whether I am or not. Frankly, that probably applies to most parents. We want to be there to protect our kids, to help them, to watch them grow. But what if we’re not? Loch is a blessed child with adoring grandparents and the best dad a kid could have but I’m his mom, and I want him to have me always. I plan to be around to hold my own grandchildren but in case I’m gone here’s what I know…

10 Comments Post a comment
  1. This is a beautiful thing. I too found out that I was very sick when my 4 children were just babies. I had the same fears as you, but have been blessed to stick around until they all reached adulthood and to see the birth of my first grandchild. You have great insight and your son will appreciate your letters even if you live to a ripe old age.

    I hope that Loch will see you in the front row when he graduates and when he weds.

    Best Wishes,

    January 12, 2012
    • I hope the same thing Terri. It is my hope that I’m there for all of it. Thank you for your wishes.

      xo leigh

      January 12, 2012
  2. You have a fabulous attitude, wonderful to leave something like this for your son one day… Hopefully he will be very old… Thoughts and prayers are with you…

    January 14, 2012
  3. Leigh,
    I have to tell you that when I stumbled on your blog, I thought it was one of the most wonderful things I’d seen. My mom passed away about a year ago after struggling for years as long as I can remember with breast cancer. They told her she only had a few months and she fought and was around so much longer than they’d thought. And honestly, I envy your son in some ways because I wish my mom had done something like this. But life is life and is never the same for any two people. Thank you so much for sharing your mom-ness with those of us who don’t have that anymore.
    Best wishes,

    January 15, 2012
    • Oh Claire, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for your mom. Being taken sooner than you’re ready to go is heartbreaking. Breast cancer is a vicious disease and I’ve seen too many people struggle with it’s wrath. As far as leaving this for Loch, it’s for me as much as it is for him. It gives me something tangible to focus on so I don’t spiral down into “what if’s” and fears. Writing is also a vehicle that works for me. I’m sure your mom would have loved to leave you something tangible but she just didn’t have the outlet I did to fall into. Her fight to live is in itself her legacy to you. She wanted to be with you as long as she could. And I’ll tell you, this process, it’s time consuming. I imagine she wanted to spend every minute she had actually BEING with you. I am humbled to know that you are out there reading, and hope that you will continue to find something “mom-ish” in my writing that you can hold onto. That would make me very glad. Be well and happy. xo leigh

      January 17, 2012
  4. I had a son too..this is a very good thing to do. I wish you all the good in life. I think your son will be grateful to have such a mother as you. Yes,mom will be always there with you.

    January 15, 2012
  5. As a divorced dad who’s mom was not always there for our kids and who several times told them “I wish I never had you”, it’s wonderful to see a caring mother being aware that her child needs her. I know most women feel as you do, so you may not look at what you are doing as special, but having been the in the circumstance of seeing a woman who would rather be selfish and ignore her own kids, I applaud your efforts. I wish you wonderful life for many years to come and trust God will work His miracles on such a wonderful mom and wife!

    January 17, 2012
    • Thank you so much. What lovely sentiments. I am truly sorry that you, and particularly your children, had to feel any less than totally special to the woman in your life. I am therefore incredibly relieved that your kids were blessed enough to have you. One loving parent sometimes can make all the difference. God bless. xo leigh

      January 17, 2012
  6. Leigh, I lovingly present the Liebster Blog Award to you so that others may connect with you through your blog and learn about your abundant life.

    Check out to learn what this award means.

    Blessings for an abundant life!

    February 28, 2012
    • Valerie, I was just rereading this section and I realize I never got back to you. Thank you for your kindness and your appreciation. Having readers who care is so very important to me.

      All the very best, xo leigh

      September 30, 2012

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