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Posts tagged ‘Pulmonary Hypertension’

Trying to get my life back on point

So, I got thrown kinda a curve ball with the PH situation. Granted I was already on the cusp of burning out as an actress but the pregnancy and then the chronic/possibly terminal illness thing took over and I went way off course. The thing is, I’m an achiever. It’d be fair to call me an overachiever except lately I’m quite underwhelming. I thought I’d “be” someone by now. Between you and me I thought I’d be the next Jennifer Aniston (sitcom darling not famous divorcee). I thought I’d be hobnobbing with the artist elite and be able to say ┬áto my neigh sayers “See, I don’t need a fallback career. Actress is my job. I made it. I’m Someone.” Needless to say, I never got to say that.

Lately I dread people asking me what I’m up to. Really. I hate it. I even hate it when Sean asks me what I did that day. I can tell you I was busy. I can tell you I’m exhausted. I can say that Loch is still alive and in one piece but really… did my day really consist of driving to and from preschool, Target, Ralphs, dry cleaners, general food making and cleaning up from said food making? Really?! Really girl who went to University, Graduate School and Conservatory? Your day was Costco? Really?

The thing is I planned to be an actress and when that fell through I thought I’d go into production, which for my control freak personality was probably a better fit, but I wanted to be a hands on mom and working 20 hour days wasn’t conducive to that. So, I thought I’d take my photography hobby and make a career of it. Thing is, I liked it but I hated trying to make money from it so my 500 business cards went to waste when our phone number changed. So, now I’ve decided I’m a writer. I’ve always written and years of saying other people’s words have made me pretty skilled at creating my own but I’ve yet to make any money from it so I still feel like a poser.

I’m starting this blog now to take charge. To begin again and to remind myself that I’m someone worth listening too.